The MotherShip

Long ago my husband deployed.
(Six months is a long time in the land of a pregnant mommy chasing after her four- and two-year-old daughters)

After I lost sight of his ship on the horizon, I came home and plugged myself into blogging.

Blogging became my lifesaver, keeping me afloat through the highs and lows of this deployment by having an outlet at the end of the day when I struggled to stay sane. 

Blogging is a therapeutic form of medicine, especially for a pregnant mama missing her husband.

So here I sit, anticipating the first speck of my husband's ship on the horizon in a handful of weeks and finding myself wondering where will I go with my blog...

I can no longer see my toes, as our third daughter will make her grand entrance at the end of November.

I can no longer keep up with our other two daughters as they bolt up the stairs and run around naked before bath time.

I can no longer sit in my writing chair for more than 10 minutes before my 10 little toes become swollen piggies.

Sigh.

My creative juices are spent.
My body is conserving all of its energy to sustain me until my husband gets home.

During this deployment I realized that "I can do this," and more importantly, that the only thing I am looking forward to with the end of this deployment is being with my husband.

Honestly, the thoughts of "good, now he can take over" or "finally, someone else to wash the dishes and pick up toys" or "it's my turn to sleep in" have not crossed my mind. Abigail Green of Abby Off the Record recently hosted me on her blog for two days about being a temporary single mom, and one of her readers made a comment that really hit home.

Malia Jacobson wrote, "Owning the difficulties of parenting (along with the good times) without needing him to rescue me has freed me from a lot of resentment."

And this is so true for me. I just want my husband home to hear his laughter, to feel his warmth, to see him play Tutti Frutti with our daughters, to feel the house fill up with his presence.

And this is why I question what will become of my blog.

I may take off a week, a month, or longer from blogging. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I will feel the creative juices start to flow again. Maybe I will feel inspired by the birth of our third little girl. Maybe I will receive an acceptance letter for a manuscript or a notice that one of my short stories won in a contest and I'll want to share my news on my blog...

But as I sit here, feeling like I've got a case of the blogging blaahgs because of being utterly exhausted, I know one thing: when I step on board my husband's ship in one month (after waddling up the bridge) I will melt into my husband's arms and I will no longer need a lifesaver to stay afloat.

I will want to be with him instead of in front of my computer writing on my blog.

So I just wanted to write this post in case any of my readers have been feeling let down that I have not been coming to your blog and commenting as much as I used to. I sincerely love your blogs as much as I love my blog. My blog means a great deal to me as it is a place for me to explore my thoughts and feelings. And I am so grateful to all of you for keeping me afloat during my husband's deployment.

I hope this message doesn't appear as if I am abandoning you. I won't be, I just may not be present as often as I have been.

I'm going to continue writing on my blog and reading your blogs, but I just don't know when and how often, so I thought it best to share with you the reasons behind my absence.

Blogging has been a mothership in a way for the past several months, but my true source of inspiration is soon to be rekindled: being with my husband and daughters, all together.

WOW! Women on Writing!

WOW! Women On Writing!

Please hop on over to The Muffin, WOW! Women on Writing's blog, 

where I am a guest blogger today!

They are in fact my favorite online resource for women writers.

Laughing Times Ten

(G)LOL. Genuinely Laughing Out Loud; it really happens here on my end. Thanks to these amazing, talented bloggers I get some comic relief from my all-too-serious blog posts.

So here's a Monday Listicle of the Ten (G)LOL posts I have read to date:

1. The White Whale and the Nuts - Gossip about another mother living her own personal hell!

2. Dear Summer: I Love You But... - I reply, “That big-ass mole just fell off!”

3. An Open Letter to My Child Regarding His Latest Obsession: Flipping the Bird - Mommy, I touched  the table and my middle finger was a little higher than my other fingers.  Is that okay?

4. Putting on the Armor of Mommy Power - I have to go suit up and sharpen my sword for our shopping outing today...

5. How to Lose the Baby Weight - Run up and down the stairs 4-5 times to get your older child a glass of water, scare away monsters, and find beloved stuffed animal. 

6. Mommypants Moment – Need ‘em at Walmart - I ran and I ran and then I ran right into heaven: The diaper aisle.

7. Am I Fat? And Why You Should Never Answer That. - She didn’t even THINK she was larger this year, but now her own husband has turned against her and solidified her deepest fears. She is gigantic!

8. Speaking of Strengths - I will be writing in rhyme and buying some low cut dresses.

9. Wardrobe Malfunction - Granny made us wear these clothes as our pajamas last night.

10. Mommy Fail #118: Teaching a Kid How to Pee - So there you have it...that's what you get for letting a woman teach a boy how to pee.

Bonus: The Silly Vlog by My Daughters - They make me laugh every day!

What 10 things make you laugh out loud?
Link it up to

Summer Biggest List

Thing 1 and Thing 2 - have you discovered Corey's blog yet? And her awesome book for kids: Hop Plop! Well hop on over to Thing 1 and Thing 2, she's got an awesome list of Summer Biggest.

I thought I'd go ahead and ride her coattails and come up with my own Summer Biggest List:

Biggest Dream- My short stories place in the writing contests I entered them into

Biggest Regret- Not traveling more with my girls before I got too far along in my pregnancy

Biggest Hurdle- Lack of sleep from getting up at 4 every morning with my 2-year-old

Biggest Accomplishment- Finishing several short stories

Biggest Mistake- Getting into the routine of letting my daughters watch a movie at 5 in the morning

Biggest Sacrifice- Giving up my decaf soy java chip light frappuccino because I'm pregnant

Biggest Weakness- Drinking McDonald's sweet iced tea in place of the Starbucks frappuccino

Biggest Goal- To make the most of the final three months of my husband's deployment despite missing him

Blogging Series Day 3: Creating Waves

Social media is powerful. It gives new meaning to "the voice of change."

Narrow social media down to just blogging, and it is an opportunity to make waves with a few hundred to thousands of people.

What waves are you creating with your blog?

I'm not suggesting you start an uprising to ensure social security for when we retire or to strike out against the failures of systems or to put up a tirade against your cranky old neighbor who mows his lawn at 6 in the morning.

I am drawing attention to the idea that we bloggers open minds to issues, to circumstances, to experiences, and to ideas. Can we can take it one step forward?

• Blog to connect.
  
• Blog to unite people.
• Blog to raise awareness.
• Blog to provide support for a human being.
• Blog to inspire others to step into the shoes of another.
• Blog to enlist others to make a difference for a community hit with destruction.
• Blog to bring improvements to the lives of children born to poverty and disease.

Our blogs move us in circles, overlapping with other bloggers. They challenge us to think differently. They comfort us by letting us know we are not alone.

I write a blog post after my daughters are asleep at night. My posts generally reflect a moment during the day that struck a cord with me. As a result, my blog is not light-hearted or humorous, but a tad bit on the serious, introspective side. It may not create many ripples in the blogosphere, much less in the world. It doesn't have to, but could I make it do more?

I don't look at my blog with the goal of changing the world, but I do write posts in an attempt to encourage others to think differently, to question the world around them.


What is your voice? What footprint are you leaving on your readers? What more could your blog do?

(If you'd like help in discovering your voice, please check out this series on voice.)

I'd love to know what waves your blog is making, so tell me in the comments!

Blogging Series Day 2: Your Niche

Sometimes we may get so absorbed into thinking that we have to blog for others that we forget who is the boss of your blog. Who is rowing your boat? Who dictates what you write?

Hopefully you!

But why did you begin your blog?

Day 1 of this series on blogging looked into reasons for creating blogs, but what about you?

Perhaps the majority of us begin our blogs for a simple reason: to have an outlet that helps us connect with others who are seeking the same thing.

So we began to blog, unsure of ourselves, our  purpose, our posts. But after lots of rambling, we gained confidence, the comments accumulated, and followers came.

Or maybe they didn't.

No matter.

The key is that you started a blog, and if the reason for doing so still exists, then you are ready to take the next step with your blog: to discover or emphasize your blog's niche.

What makes your blog unique?

If you're a writer-mama who reads the blogs of other mothers, chances are you know there are hundreds, if not thousands, of writer-mama blogs in the...

You may wish to be one of the top ones.
You may wish to get enough attention to earn money.
You may wish to connect with bloggers in the real world.
You may wish to have a journal open to the universe of readers.

These are all worthy goals. And you know something, your blog is already unique, because no one else thinks and writes like you.

But, our experiences may all be similar.

How many ways can we write about giving birth?
How often do you come across a blog that mirrors your own in content and/or style?

Reading similar stores by bloggers is actually one of the awesome points of blogging.

We're not alone!

There is another mother who discovered her child had smeared a poopy diaper all over the walls of the bathroom.
There is another father who lost his child in the grocery store.
There is another parent who goes at it all alone every day and night.

But if you're like me, I also want my blog to be unique. I want my voice to be heard.

The field of mommy bloggers is vast, like an open umbrella.

But if the spokes of the umbrella all point down to different niches, where would your blog fall:

a journey of loss

the humorous side of life

recipes, crafts, and reviews

how-to articles

fictional stories

essays

critiques

a literary scrapbook

But many blogs may be in each of these niches.

So how do you carve yours out even more? How do you make your blog to be like a drop of rain falling off the tip of the umbrella spoke and making a splash in the world?

Here are some ways...

(1) Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

• Write a sentimental post if your blog is typically humorous.
• Create a post about a topic you've never had the confidence to write about.
• Expose your faults but also your strengths.
• If you post recipes you're proud of, write posts about failed recipes accompanied by a story detailing why.
• If you write witty quips about daily encounters in life, try writing about it from the perspective of others, not yourself.
• If your blog focuses on sharing the joys and trials of being a mom, try to connect these experiences to moms not just in your country but to moms around the world. 
• Add interviews to your blog, not with people like you, but with the neighbor who owns five dogs, the baker who gives your children free cookies, a blogger who blogs about educational reform, a classmate you friended on Facebook after 15 years of no contact.
• Try different memes on your blog that aren't what you normally write about.
• Host a contest.
• Put yourself in a dual universe where the 'other' you is living the life you might have had.
• Reply to those who comment on your blog with more meaningful ideas that create a discussion within the comments.
• Take your camera with you every where and use photos that compliment and contrast your posts.

(2) Piece Together the Mosaic of You

I've already told my four-year-old "you're the only you in the whole world," and it's true. No one else is the mosaic you are. Identify your strengths, your focus, your passions and put it all together. Think of how your blog emphasizes not just being a mother but the other parts of you as well.

(3) Take a Blogging Vacation

In college, my painting instructor constantly reminded me to "take a step back. Look at your painting from a distance." (We were painting live nude models, so standing only 12 inches from my canvas was the only way to hide my cherry red face)
But sure enough, a distant perspective opened my eyes and mind more than I realized when I stood a foot from the canvas (it also allowed me to see that the male model had a heater blasting hot air at his privates, which made my cherry face flame into fire engine red).

So take a step back from your blog, go away for a week and read books, then come back and read some of your first posts. What is new or surprising about your blog that you didn't see before?

(4) Read Blogs Out of Your Field

Bloggers who blog about science, technology, design, politics, religion, writing, education, art, travel, relationships, etc are all very different.
See how they do it.
Take some of their methods, their ideas and use them.

Here are some non-writer-mama blogs for you to check out:

Inkygirl
The Obvious Child
Wanderlust 
The Pioneer Woman
Shorpy
Urban Science Adventures
Lost City
Scandalous Women


Most of these ideas may simply add a touch of uniqueness to your blog and that is great, because you've begun to think outside the box. For more on that check out this series on Thinking Outside the Box.

You are pushing yourself to take your blog to a new level.

Blogs may evolve, they may change, they may take on an entirely new meaning, and that means one thing: your blog is alive! As the boss of your blog, you can choose to go in any direction  you want with it: spice it up, add variety, step out of your comfort zone.

And a big thank you to Mama Kat for letting me link to her blog with "boss" today!!

Blogging Series Day 1: First Posts

How often do you stumble upon an awesome blog and ask yourself,

"How did it all begin? Why did this blogger join the world of blogging?"

The answer helps us to understand the heart of the blog, and the blogger's reason for blogging.

After reading about deep links at Moms Without Blogs, I decided to create a Top 10 list of "First Posts" by bloggers (i.e., the posts themselves, why blogs were started, etc). So here are some deep links to some interesting first posts for you to enjoy!

Whether you have a case of the blaahgs or not, think about your first post. Reread it. What does it say about you and your blog? Begin to think about how far your blog has come since that initial post and where you want your blog to go (see tomorrow's blog post for details on this!).

Top 10 List of "First Posts" by Bloggers

10. My First Post... What the Hell Am I Doing?

Many initial posts that I've come across examine a bloggers concerns about exposing their thoughts to the world. We question ourselves. We wonder who is going to read our blogs. And we wonder what to write about.

9. What Is This Blog All About? 

For bloggers that begin blogging with a purpose, they may choose to describe the heart and soul of their blog with the first post. Readers know what they're in for by reading these initial posts and the blogger has a defined focus written out.

8. Something They Didn't Cover in Breastfeeding 101 

Sometimes a blog is born and rolling right away with a story! Many blogs start with a bang, because the blogger has an idea or a story that wants to be shared with others.

7. Welcome to My New Blog 

For some bloggers who have been around for awhile (I can't believe some have been blogging since 2005; I had no idea the blogging world was so old) they are ready to start a new blog. An old blog may evolve so much or a blogger may change or a blog may pick up some unwelcome followers... Whatever the reason, a new blog is born!

6. Out on a Limb 

Sometimes a blogger has to go back and create a post that she or he dates as the first one in order to have a spot to place some information. It might be the blogger has to describe an ad network for the blog. Or it might be an "About" page once the blogger realizes it would be good to have an "About" page to link to on her or his blog.

Writing the Life Poetic

5. Welcome to Your Poetic Life! 

Blogs may be written by one person, but the blog itself is a community. A community growing and learning from a center focus such as a book or event.

4. To blog, or not to blog...

Sometimes we just need to know that we are not alone, and blogging may be the only way to find that one other person on Earth who truly 'gets' us.

Lisa Wants the Floor

3. Welcome! 

An introduction to the blogger! These first posts may be straight-forward and insightful! I gain such a clear picture of the blogger and I see the blog in a new light after reading a first post like this.

Diary of a New Mom

2. Week 1 (Or is it 6?): I'm What?! 

Blogs may serve as a tool to document a journey we embark on. My blog started out this way with its first post, and I've certainly traveled far with it. In the case of this link to Diary of a New Mom, it is fun to read her first post and see that now she has two children, so her journey documented in her blog is quite deep! And she also has a new blog (see #7).

1. In the Beginning... 

A few first posts make me say "Ah ha!" in my head as the light becomes clearer. Initial posts like this one with photos clarify everything and help me reach a deeper understanding of the blog by seeing something for the first time or knowing where they blogger has come from.

What's your first post say about you and your blog?

Please add a link to your first post in the comments!! I may not have read it yet, but I'd like to!

Stay tuned for discussion on where our blogs have gone since that first post oh so long ago...

Got a Case of the Blaahgs?

Blogging keeps our heads above water. We surface. We stay afloat. It's more than therapeutic. It's a lifesaver.

Okay, that's a bit extreme. I think we'd all survive if we stopped blogging today.

However, it does benefit the blogger in many ways. But sometimes our blogs may bore us, become too ordinary, and god forbid, not inspire us to write.

I took a year off from blogging. Coming back to it with new eyes, I find it is liberating to write something and send it off into the world of the Internet. I missed the connection I had with other writers and parents.

My blog is the place where I go to explore a question or an idea. I write mainly for me, to see what discussion comes from my posts, and as a result my blog doesn't necessarily entertain or draw a large number.

Whether you are okay with your blog being simply for you (as my blog is for me) or if you'd like your blog to draw readers back on a daily basis, we all may share a common goal: to become better bloggers over time.

Now that you've been blogging for some time, you've probably checked out sites to find ways to improve your blog:

Top 50 Ways to Improve Your Blog
31 Days to Building a Better Blog
100 Blog Post Ideas
The Ultimate Blog Community
5 Steps to Develop Blogging Competence and Audience Commitment
How to Get Blog Readers and Keep Them Reading

But for bloggers who have been there done that, what is next? What more can we do to become better bloggers?

I don't have the answers, but I do have some ideas!

For the next three days I will present a series on blogging for those of you who wish to take your blog to the next level!!!

My credentials are not in blogging, so my ideas may or may not be helpful. But they may at least make you think!

Should I go to the BlogHer Conference?

Am I being ridiculous to not attend the BlogHer conference in August? It's only 20 minutes from my house.

It's just that 1) I don't really want to spend the money, 2) I'm not interested in monetizing my blog, 3) if it was a writing conference I'd be there, 4) I just feel too much of a frumpy pregnant mama at the moment to turn on the spunk, and 5) what would I say to anyone I met "Hi, My name is Kim. I blog, but it's small, not too many followers, I'm okay with that. So what do you blog about?"

So cast your vote! Should I suck it up and try to get a babysitter and go?

Please try to convince me!

Top Ten Ways to Know if You Are on Facebook Too Often

Facebook. Up until a few months ago I contemplated leaving it, deleting my account. I didn't see the real value of it. And I didn't quite get the people who post "going poop," "bored and going to bed," "this sucks." And I didn't like sharing tid bits about me with people I haven't seen in years.

But then my hubby deployed and after being home all day with my dear little girls, I craved adult conversation. I turned to blogging, and achieved the satisfaction that comes from communicating with writer mamas around the world. I turned to writing, and have been turning out short stories and essays. But, it wasn't enough.

Then my husband's ship start a support group on Facebook. The ship started posting photos of my hubby and other sailors, showing what they've been up to. And then it started: I began to post status updates more frequently. So I guess I will stay with Facebook, for now.

But now I am thinking I am on it too much.

Top Ten Ways to Know if You Are on Facebook Too Often

1. You dream one night that you have to give your fish away, which you conveniently put in the freezer, because you are moving across country. (All coming from a friend's status update that said she needs to use up her frozen food before they move in two weeks.)
2. You check Facebook so often that the only new status update is your own.
3. You actually begin to remember the number of friends you have. (Fortunately I'm not at the point where I care if someone unfriends me; I've unfriended people, so I understand if someone unfriends me.)
4. You wait and wait and wait to see a friend update their status with big news, and it never comes.
5. You are secretly glad your husband isn't on Facebook, because it means there is at least one of you who is still normal, still sane to take care of the house and children.
6. You laugh at the couples who post on each other's wall twenty times a day. Aren't they sitting on the same couch?
7. You try to friend someone you already tried to friend months ago; they just don't want to be your friend, okay?
8. You find Facebook updates more rewarding the Tweets.
9. You log on during episodes of insomnia and post on the walls of friends you haven't been in touch with for years. Did they see the time you wrote? Yes, you need help.
10. During more periods of insomnia you look at all the albums of friends from old to see what they look like, how many children they have, and if they seem happy. You hope they are, and then realize they probably are because they're probably all sleeping.

What to Do With Those Imperfections

Celebrate them!

My day began with building forts, having tea parties, breaking a brand new bottle of Worcester sauce, burning five candles so my kitchen doesn't smell like hamburgers all day, taking my oldest girl to preschool, playing catch with our sheltie puppy and youngest girl, and blowing bubbles with my youngest until she wanted to watch Dora. All before 10a.m. this morning; quite a perfect morning!

And then I stopped on over at Mommy Pants to see what was on her mind today. And she told me the 10 things she likes about herself. And I thought, Hmmm... What would be on my list? And where did Mommy Pants find her inspiration for her list?

So I linked over to C. Mom and discovered this:

What If Everyone Blogged?

I mean everyone.

Your dad.
Your minister.
Your first love.
Your college professor.
Your spouse.
Your neighbor.
The president.
The cafeteria lady.
The prison guard.
The suicidal bomber.
The firefighter.
The homeless man.
The child living in an orphanage.
The tribal member in South America.
The mother who claims she didn't murder her daughter.

Would you read their blogs?

Are You Reading This?

Not me, obviously you are right now, but the blogs listed below?

Since returning to blogging after a year absence, I've discovered blogs that are new to me and I'm loving them! If only I could be as witty or satirical as some of these, but alas I can't. So thanks for stopping by my blog today, and I hope you'll enjoy these blogs below if you haven't already found them!

1

Abby Off the Record

2

Angie Mizzell

3

Lady Goo Goo Gaga

4

Mama Wants This

5

Mommypants

The Funks

We're back on west coast time.

Our puppy is recovering from surgery (spade and microchip).

My almost 4-year-old is going to preschool five days a week (I'm a wreck missing her).

My 2-year-old is starting to sleep in until 4:45a.m.

Only 4.5 months are left of my hubby's 6 month deployment.

And today I get to hear my baby's heartbeat.

Life is good, but I'm in a writing funk.

When I returned to blogging a few weeks ago, I quickly realized that one of the main reasons stemmed from loneliness. I miss my husband. I miss adult conversation. I miss communicating with writer mamas.

Then my daughters and I flew to MN to visit family. Being with family and adults for a week filled me up with comfort and the loneliness went away. I still missed my husband, but I wasn't so lonely. Coming home meant getting the house in order, my girls back on schedule, but now that that's done it has taken until today to bring me to my writing chair.

Funks happen. Writing funks are not like writer's block for me. Funks mean I have no motivation to even try to write.

The Funks

1. I think I've been in an exercise funk for several years now. I used to work out 2-3 hours a day, but that all vanished when I got married. Why?
2. I go through food funks, too. For weeks I will eat healthy (veggies, fruit, tofu, fish, grains, little or no meat) and then I'll splurge on the Oreos, pizza, butter, and rich desserts. Fortunately these food funks don't last for more than a few days. 
3. I also get into my hermit funk occasionally. I'll close myself off to the world and internalize way too much. Socializing isn't easy for me, but I try to make myself do it as much as possible unless I'm in a funk.
4. Cleaning. Oh, I'm so bored with this part of staying home. My funk lasts for a long time and then the piles of toys, clean laundry waiting to be put away, books and papers, etc all become too much and I clean for a few days straight.

I don't like the funks. I hate getting stuck in one, because it's hard to get out. What funks do you get into? How do you get out?

Well here I am, blogging this morning, so maybe I'm on my way out of my writing funk.

The Questionnaire

Day 2 of Rediscovering My Blogging Grove - Answer a Question

A bit of a dilemma since I don't think too many people are reading my blog since I took a year break, so according to Darren, I just have to answer a question of my own.

Who Am I and What Do I Want?

Back in 2003 I spent over an hour answering questions about myself on eHarmony. By the end of it I was crying. Not because I was sad about changing courses from getting my PhD to my Masters. Not because the few guys I had dated did not end up being the right one. And not because the questions were hard. I cried because for the first time in my life I was made to think about myself, who I was AND what I wanted. 

 (While the questionnaire appears differently once you become a member, here's a list of what the questions looked like when I logged into eHarmony)

In 2001 I left the rainforest to begin the doctorate program in tropical biology at University of Missouri in St. Louis. I loved school, I always have. I loved the intensity of learning, the demand on my psyche, the challenge it gave me. Unfortunately I just wasn't ready for the requirements of knowledge for the PhD. After failing the doctoral candidacy test in my second year, I made a very hard decision: to get a Masters instead of a PhD. I left school for the day, took my bike out on a trail, and began to wonder what am I supposed to do with my life. The answer had always been easy: school, more school, then teach school at the college level.

One day later I was in my kitchen listening to NPR when I heard an ad for eHarmony. Until then I had only seriously cared for a few men, but I knew it would be hard for me to meet the right one. I was an introvert who avoided the bars, came across as too serious, and to be honest, my corkscrew curly hair got passed over! 

But my life was changing directions and I hopped into my chair and became a member of eHarmony. I think I did it all without really thinking. That's when I got to the questionnaire. Then I started to think.

Who am I?

What do I want?

I had to pick words to describe myself, figure out how my friends would describe me, narrow down personal characteristics that really told someone who I was, my beliefs, the qualities I look for in someone, a few personal interests and life skills, and more. It was hard to narrow it all down to just a few answers for each.

By the time I finished I was crying because I finally discovered a small glimmer of insight into what drove me, who I was spiritually. I clicked submit and sat there feeling curious, not curious if I would be matched up with someone, but curious about what I had just learned about me. Was I happy with who I was? What did I like about myself? And the biggest question of all: what do I want in my life for me?

I'd like to say I got all of my answers after hitting the submit key, but no. They've been trickling in after all this time.

I did meet my husband on eHarmony. I had received some matches for a few days before I was matched with him, but once I saw his profile and answers, I knew. At first, I was surprised that I could meet someone on the Internet. But then I realized that maybe this is the only way I could meet someone. The answers and communication helped me cross the boundary of shyness to reach a deeper level of conversation. It helped get all of those first, second and third date small talks out of the way.

And now, eight years later, I think about those questions and if my answers to them have changed since becoming a wife and a mother. Communication I have learned is key to any relationship. Connecting my emotional side with my dominating rational side is essential for me to be able to communicate.

I sometimes wish I could know answers to some of the eHarmony questions for family, friends and people I connect with through blogging. I've learned that the older I get the harder it is to make new deep friendships. My husband is my best-friend. My children are my world. I don't have much free time or energy to hang out with new friends and get to know them.

So on Day 6 (June 4th) of this blogging kick drive, I will ask you a question. Maybe a few! That may help me understand you better if you're willing to share :)

For now I think I might go through the eHarmony questionnaire and answer the questions again. And maybe I'll print out a copy of the questionnaire for my husband and give it to him. While I'm at it, maybe I will think about how my daughters might answer some of the questions too. Although I know and love them so much, I'm still trying to figure them out most of the time!

Unsolicited Advice

Today's Day 1 of getting my blogging grove back on! The task is to make a list. I love blog posts that are lists, so here goes...

Unsolicited Advice I've Received Since Becoming a Mom

1. Your baby should have a hat on! It's misty outside.
2. You shouldn't be breastfeeding your girl still, she's 17 months and there's absolutely no benefit to it.
3. Your child isn't colicky, she just isn't being held properly.
4. Why do you need help after your second baby (born via another c-section) arrives? You're a stay-at-home-mom, so do your job, it's easy.
5. You should really carry your baby on your back in a sling, not in the front.
6. Have your girls wear dresses while potty training, it's easier to sit down (yes, but harder to get them to pull their dresses up in the back so they don't fall into the potty!)
7. Puree your baby food, so much easier.
8. Give your baby finger food from the start so they learn to gum on it.
9. Your daughter should go to X pre-school, the teachers there run a tighter ship.
10. Don't buy your daughter any clothes before she starts a new school year. Wait for her to see what's in fashion and then buy all of those clothes for her.


Here's some advice I wish I had received:

1. Buy those large toys (jumperoo, exersaucer, sit 'n spin, etc) at a consignment shop.
2. Wait to buy baby clothes until the baby is born. (Our 10 pounder didn't fit in all of the newborn outfits we had.)
3. Your child might by colicky and that is why she is crying all night long and all day long.
4. Your child might be colicky, because she doesn't spit up ever, doesn't fart and seems to have terrible gas pains.
5. Your digital camera also has a video option (something I didn't discover until my 2nd daughter was over 1 year old).
6. Try harder to let a babysitter watch your children when they are younger, you and your husband need the time together.
7. Having two under the age of two is challenging, but it doesn't last forever.
8. There is nothing that can help the lack of sleep, but it doesn't last forever.
9. That pain in your heart when your children start to grow up and become independent, that may last forever.
10. Make time for yourself now, so you don't get completely lost in the mommy world and find it difficult to find yourself when you finally do start to have that free time.

So, what unsolicited advice have you received or didn't but wish you had?

A Chance Meeting

It's Saturday morning and I've been reading through my past blogs, trying to get a sense of my blog. How has it evolved? What posts mean a lot to me? How can I get back into blogging? How do I find my voice?

One thing that has always come up for me as a blogger is how much information do I share. There are privacy issues, there are personal issues. Holding back on the big stuff is important to me, but also sharing a part of myself in my writing helps me to reach the truth.

My blog isn't particularly witty, humorous, sarcastic or chic. There are so many amazing blogs out there and I love reading them. But here, my blog shows me: the serious introspective introvert trying to find meaning in my life as a mother and writer, a wife and a woman. 

Writing workshops definitely help me to branch out and try new things in my blog. Like this post "Jiggle, Jive, and Break Dance" that I wrote some time ago from Mama Kat's Writers Workshop.

When a Writer-Mama Takes a Break She Creates a To Do List

1. Break-It: Accidentally break the shrinky dinks my toddler created that are now small, sharp objects capable of being choking hazards.

2. Break-In: After the 2-year-old and 2-month-old are down for their naps break in to the chocolate covered pretzels as a reward.

3. Break-Up: Given that I started Weight Watchers today, break up the chocolate covered pretzels into tiny morsels so they will last longer.

4. Break-Down: Allow two minutes of self-pity when my 2-month-old wakes up after only sleeping for 10 minutes. Don't have a breakdown. Just search for crumbs of the morsels.

5. Break-Through: While rocking baby back to sleep give myself the time and space in my head to think about writing. Let creativity run its course to reach a break through with writing ideas.

6. Break-fast: Eat breakfast even if toddler is running off after only two bites of a peach and baby is demanding to be nursed.

7. Breaking-Away: Take advantage of the opportunity to breakaway to Starbucks alone on the weekends when Hubby offers to watch the girls for a couple of hours.

8. Break-Even: Maintain a budget for how much I spend as a writer, so I know when I start breaking even.

9. Break-Dance: Jiggle, jive, and break dance each time a writing piece is accepted for publication!

 Sometimes I read a post in a blog written by someone I usually don't know and I connect so deeply that it makes me realize that despite the effects of globalization on the loss of community I feel connected to other mothers and writers. 


My husband and I met eight years ago on eHarmony. I was in the process of changing courses from getting a PhD to a Masters and he had just completed graduate school and was PCSing to Japan for the Navy. The instant I read his profile I knew. Isn't that silly? But it is true. We had never met, yet somehow through the two-dimensional connection of the Internet I connected with every aspect of his being. I finally understood the core of my soul as it was reflected in him. 


We talked on the phone for three months, usually 4-5 hours a day, sometimes more. Looking back now we both laugh - "Whatever did we talk about for so long?" We then met and less than a year later we married. 


I laugh at myself for meeting the love of my life through something so impersonal as a computer, because I am such a nature girl. I love living as naturally as possible. I love simplicity. I abhor materialism. And yet, here on the Internet I let myself go as much as I am willing too. And I connect with others. 

It's great to be back here, blogging again. I look forward to discovering more writers and mothers who have been blogging while I've been gone for a year!

Where Do I Go From Here...

I don't know if I can get back into blogging, but with my husband deployed and my two little girls playing more often together and not needing me I am feeling, well, a bit bored to be honest. Too unmotivated at times to just pull out my writing notebook to write away for however many minutes I get, too tired to clean the house to a perfect state, and too lonely for doing anything alone.

I miss adult conversations. So I thought "perhaps I should try bringing my blog back to life." I teetered away from it a year ago when I created The Motherhood Muse. But The Motherhood Muse is closing due to lack of interest, which makes me sad because I really loved creating and publishing a digital magazine consisting of literature about mother nature and motherhood.

I miss communicating with writers and mothers. Yes, maybe I should begin to blog again. But I remember it was a bit distracting before, taking time away from my writing time. But then I initially started my blog to springboard me into writing everyday, which worked as I published more after I started my blog.

Okay, so here goes, maybe, my blog: Zook Book Nook. A blog where I can write about being a mom, a writer, a Navy wife, and a woman still trying to feel like I accomplished something for me at the end of each day. Yes, I'm feeling better already.

Comments Carry the Story

Holy Smokes. I knew dooce.com was a famous blog by a mom, but 2086 comments and counting on a single post! Wow, that's some number.

I love reading comments on the blogs I visit. They highlight key parts of the blog, interpret the post in a new light, shed some insight on the comment writer's own blog or personality, and carry the story of the original blog post in new directions.

But 2086 comments, that's a lot to read! I tried and found myself getting lost in many different threads from people commenting on each other's comments.

What do comments mean to you? Do you read them in the blogs you comment on? Before or after you write a comment?

Creating New Ideas for Posts

Hello September!
Good-bye summer!

Writer-mamas in the blogosphere are gearing up to write new brilliant posts on our blogs, make thoughtful comments on other blogs, and discover new resources for writing and motherhood though the blog world.

Now where to begin?

We need new ideas for posts. Not just one or two ideas, but LOTS!

First, we'll begin with MIND MAPPING our blog out!

Step 1: Take your last post and review it.
Step 2: Tease out a few ideas or details that grab you.
Step 3: Expand on these ideas or details in new posts with a new twist...

• Try a new perspective (put yourself in someone else's shoes and write from there)
• Write with flair (use different techniques of figurative language)
• Use poetry, Q&A, dialogue, or timeline formats!
• Hook at the start and hook us at the end to lead to the next post.

Second, give yourself a blog vacation!

Step 1: Schedule posts ahead of time if you want to still be 'present' while be absent.
Step 2: Try not to even hop on the Internet other than to email or pay bills!
Step 3: Rethink your blog: its value to you, its direction, and what keeps you blogging.

Third, observe and question!

Step 1: Sit and simply look all around you (and around in your mind of memories)
Step 2: Make connections between objects and emotions. Think about your relationship with people and things.
Step 3: Ask questions. What makes the connection? What details tie two things together into a relationship? Why are these connections, these relationships important to you. How might you write about them in your blog so that readers may relate?

Got More? Please share how you create new ideas for posts in the comments!