The 400th Lap

It came as quite a shock this evening as I sat down to write this post when I discovered it will be the 400th published post on my blog. I had no idea I've written so much.

Becoming a mom six years ago also marked when I left the road I had worked so hard to build (a career in teaching) to pursue the path of a writer (my childhood passion and dream).

Much of this blog explores the similarity between motherhood and writing, its bumps, bruises, and shining moments. But so much more of my being is devoted towards being a mom, and I know over time I am evolving to be a better mom.

My writing, however, feels more like it is on a track. I cycle around and around, never quite reaching the higher level, the level that would put me side by side with creative writers working on their MFAs. And that is my dream, my unspoken dream, to pursue my MFA.

But with two masters degrees already and three daughters whose college educations we hope to pay for and a retirement from the military on the horizon, how could I possibly expect to pursue the MFA, especially if I may not take that degree to teach creative writing with it?

I've tried the online classes for creative writing, in person writers workshops, writing conferences, numerous books on writing, etc. Maybe my writing has improved slightly, but it's a very slow process. I'm not expecting to leap forward into the realm of writing giants, especially since I don't get a chance to write each day, but the over-achiever in me wants to be a better writer. I want to look back at short stories I wrote a few months before and not cringe.

So that's one writer-mama's dream, something I'm looking forward to, one day when all three girls are in school and maybe, just maybe, I can write everyday and get to the point I want to be.

So my top ten looking forward moments through the lens of a writer-mama are as follows:

1. Writing for hours, not minutes, in a cafe.
2. Attending a week-long writing retreat, somewhere in the mountains, by a lake, in a cabin, on a porch.
3. Actually publishing more than one short story in a year.
4. Joining a writing group, because I can meet with them weekly and not have to hire a babysitter to do so.
5. Creating my very own creativity room in our future home. A room full of books, a writing desk with a fabulous lamp, my art canvases and oils, and a door that shuts.
6. Teaching a workshop to kids about nature writing.
7. Winning the lottery so I can apply for my dream MFA.
8. Publish a collection of short stories that I am proud of.
9. Finish a novel in its entirety instead of stopping at 20,000 and 30,000 words.
10. Call myself a writer, an author, feeling 100% in my heart that I am truly living that dream.

And in that distant future, I think I will no longer feel like I am on a track running lap after lap with my writing. I will be evolving forward just like I have been as a mother for the past six years.