Loss (Yet Gained)
Skin stretched
rippled with marks
Muscles divided
diastasis
Ribs expanded
never shrunk
Hips widened
staying put
A vanishing
former body
morphs into something
gained.
Three pregnancies of transverse lie babies (holding 10 lb. babies entirely out of my pelvis) equates to looking in the mirror at a foreign body. So much is lost, forever. Yet, the marks and sags and rolls show my gains. Who needs mirrors when I've got smiling girls doing the wiggle in front of me?
Then swimsuit season hits.
I made it through two pregnancies without having to step into a maternity swimsuit.
But this time around, no such luck.
The neighborhood pool is next to our house.
Both of my girls are fish they love the water so much.
Unlike my first two (early summer babies), my third baby isn't due until late fall.
So, I broke down and purchased a maternity swimsuit online.
I didn't want a two piece or even a tankini. My baby belly is already so big and full of a starburst of stretch marks, that it stays hidden under wrap as it should.
But this one piece shows major cleavage, so I wear a tank top over it. Silly, I know. But I don't want the dads at the pool to be eyeing my belly nor my boobs.
I love being pregnant. I love the feel of my little girl tapping and kicking away inside me. But my reflection in the mirror is hard to swallow. I always have the watermelon baby belly since I don't carry the babies deep inside of me. My stomach muscle walls separate. I get swollen and puffy. Even sitting here in my writing chair, typing on my blog, my toes are all swollen little sausages.
How ever do women give birth to 20 some children? I met a Costa Rican woman who had 23 children, and she was still petite and vivacious and beautiful.
I don't think I'll ever be able to fit back into my old swimsuits, much less my old clothes.
Is there any hope?
16 comments:
There's always hope...
And Spanx, until you get your figure back.
LOL, now I'll have to look up what Spanx is before I go to bed tonight! Thanks!
That poem was so beautiful. And so true! Thank you for sharing.
Everyday I look at my stretch mark ridden belly and muffin top and ask the same question. And I've only had 2 kids. Amazing how women last time can have more than 10 kids or more.
I love the poem! And, yes, I think, there is hope. There's always, as the other commentator said, Spanx and lotions and sexy cover-ups, if you should choose to go that route. I have a toddler and am pregnant with my second and refuse to feel ashamed of my body. Every line, every crease was hard earned!
I probably should not comment having the gall to be the "other" gender, but, I think every pregnant woman is beautiful in their own way.
it's a beautiful poem :)
I lucked out with minimal stretch marks for each baby. I'm almost certain if I had a third, fate would give me a kick in the fanny ;)
visiting from Mama Kat's
Haha, oh I know the feeling!!
I had the watermelon belly both times, too. Complete strangers would come up to me to comment on how enormous it (I) was. As if I hadn't noticed!!
There are several very pregnant women at our pool & I think they look great. Of course, I'm also glad I'm not them. ;) But in the water is probably the lightest they ever feel! Hang in there.
Don't give up. Just remember that you are someone's super model.
S-P-A-N-X. I couldn't live without them if I tried, and I feel your pain. I still wear a maternity suit even though I had my last child 2 1/2 years ago. Nothing else supports AND smooshes in that kangaroo pouch that's left after carrying 2 large babies.
Thank you everyone for making me feel hopeful! I love the beauty of a pregnant body, and even more, the baby growing inside. But I have a feeling five years from now I'll be cherishing my little girls but also longing for my old springy body :) I am grateful that I can have children and definitely don't regret it at all. The changes in my body are worth it. I just can't help but feel a bit sad at missing the pre-baby body!
Just think of all the blessings you do have. It's so hard to look over end over at a body that you don't really remember belonging to you... I feel you there. But you'll be back... Sooner than later. I think that the third time I was pregnant was the hardest for me. I actually spent more on my last maternity suit then I ever did on my first couple because I just wanted to feel good in it. Hang in there...
Well, let me return the question: do yóu think there's hope?!
Because if you think there is, then there is! It's as simple as that. I've had five kids, and because I run five times a week I can actually wear a bikini.
i can identify with feeling the loss, having 4 kids and losing my body all four times. i also carry my babies like you do, out front, and i also get your modesty concern. Spanx and similar do help! *HUG* #sisterhood
I know exactly how you feel...wishing it was easier to get back to pre-pregnancy size/shape.
hi from mamak's
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