Day Three of a Blog Series on Conversations with My Daughters
"Conversation 3: Sex is Great and Worth the Wait"
In case you missed it, I am doing a five post blog series on conversations with my daughters. After reading Vicki Courtney's book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, I decided to reflect on how each conversation takes place between me and my daughters (ages almost-4 and 2).
Probably in the not so distant future, we will be traveling down this road, the road of conversations about s.e.x.
Photo by Ben Dalton, used with Creative Commons license.
But for now, my daughters are only curious about who the baby is in my belly. My older daughter asked me once, "Mama, how did the baby get in your tummy?" to which I answered "Daddy and I love each other so much and that's how we made the baby." And that was that.
But then a week later my daughter asked, "Mama, why don't daddies have babies?" soon followed by "Can babies have babies?" Ahem, I cough... Is it time for the anatomy talk? So I told her that mommies and daddies have vaginas and penises, and that these differences mean we have different roles in making babies. She listened and then patted my belly. "Okay, Baby," she said.
She and her two-year-old sister then proceeded to sing to the baby until they got distracted with their own dancing.
I have been told by parents with older children "Have the birds and the bees conversation earlier than what you think you should" and "Don't let them learn about s.e.x. from their friends first" and "Don't rely on Sex Ed to teach your children about sex." But it wasn't until I read the third conversation in Vicki Courtney's book, 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, that it all became clear to me.
It's a given that my daughters will see girls wearing clothing that makes boys think of s.e.x., they will hear rumors about who did what to whom, and they will be bombarded by messages in the media that suggest everyone is doing it. But my daughters don't have that in front of them right now, they are too young.
So what is a parent of young children to do? Is it too early to begin having conversations that are a prelude to "The Talk," which is really continual, on-going "Talks."
It's never too early. And so I begin...
I help my girls to find their voices and believe strongly in themselves.
I show them what love is.
I teach them patience and honesty.
And I continue to teach them about our bodies, about nature, and about the miracle of life.
4 comments:
I had a wake up call when my girl was around three. Working in a pediatric ER, you see some terrible things. So, yes, I started the conversation early too-about bodies and safety and ownership. I LOVE they way you answered their questions! Keep going mama, you're doing great.
I have two boys and I think one of the most important things my husband and I can teach them is to respect girls. Even when they are dating (gasp!) one day, I hope that regardless of how, um, aroused they may become, they will have self-respect and self-control. So what I'm really saying is I hope they don't have sex until they are 35. :)
Well, the best point is that it's never too early to talk to your kids about the body, babies, s.e.x. etc. Even if they don't quite follow what you are talking about, they will get the message that you care and will want to go back to you when they are able to frame the right questions.
Of course, I told my daughter at the age of 12 that I would put her in the freezer until she was 18 if she did not listen and behave. It seemed to work and she has been a wonderful daughter and now married and happy.
It's reassuring to know that 4 isn't too young to start talking with my daughters! My husband and I joke about the age we hope they'll be before "getting physical" and I think joking about it helps to relieve the anxiety behind it. Still I think just starting early and being open means there won't be so much pressure down the road for either side! Thanks everyone for your comments on this delicate topic!
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