Fruit season is flourishing here in southern CA, and I think I'm loving it more than my girls! The blueberries, raspberries, peaches... so big, so fresh, and so affordable compared to what I grew up with in the Midwest. My oldest daughter has been asking questions about fruits, seeing as our sour orange tree in the backyard is producing oranges right now. The hummingbirds and bees flock to the fruit, and so I tell her a story about pollination and fertility.
Is four years old to early to talk about the birds and the bees, because my daughter is asking me now "Mama, how did the baby get in your tummy?"
For now, I answer "Daddy and I love each other so much and that's how we made the baby." Fruit making is much simpler to describe.
But just a few days ago we had our puppy spade and my daughter questions me, "Why can't Willow have puppies?"
Who am I to determine if a dog shouldn't experience motherhood? Have I taken something away from our dog?
I try to explain to my daughter, "Sweetie, there are so many puppies in the world that there aren't enough homes for them. We want those puppies to find homes. If Willow has puppies, then that means there are too many dogs and not enough homes."
She is sad and I feel like I am bordering on something immoral.
The day before my scheduled c-section for my second daughter my OB asked me (or stated to be more precise): "So, you'll be having your tubes tied.?.?"
"Uh, um, no. No!" And then I felt the need to babble.
"This might be our last, but I'm not sure. Even if it is how do I know?"
I googled "Tubes Tied" that night and met with a swarm of sites about sterilization and how it is immoral.
I am pro-choice. I don't equate the potential of life each of my egg holds in its DNA with the creation of life; however, a part of me shudders at the idea of getting my tubes tied.
And now I am in that position again. Although my OB hasn't asked me yet, I don't have an answer. My husband and I are definite that three children is the number we want, not four or more. But the idea of closing the book on my eggs leaves me feeling unsettled.
It's not a question of morality for me. It's not a question of if I want more children.
I don't exactly know why I feel this way. I am trying to figure it out, and I have five more months to do so until I have my third c-section.
4 comments:
Good luck...that's a huge decision.
I worked in animal rescue for many years and I just want to thank you for being responsible with your puppy. You are absolutely right that there are too many animals and not enough homes. I have had to say goodbye to too many good pets in too many crowded shelters to ever breed a pet.
I understand this completely. We have two children and I understand not wanting to close the door. There's something so final about that. It's not a moral thing for me, either.
And congrats!
Thanks Dana and Angie! I felt a little strange sharing this personal story on my blog, but each time I write on my blog I learn something and understand something better. This is a question I just can't wrap my head around "why does the idea of having my tubes tied make me feel unsettled?" I think it does come down to the fact that it is so final that unsettles me.
Good luck with this decision. I know it's a tough one.
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