But all it takes is one piece of devastating, scary, depressing piece of news to make my mind spin:
What if 'that' happened to my daughters?
I don't sit and dwell on played out scenarios. That would depress me even more. The "what if that happened to my daughters?" is a fleeting question, but enough to pull at my heart and pull my children closer to me.
How many parents live each day as if it is their last, or their child's last?
When I was a young child, a mother (not mine), said to me "Live every day as if it is your last." But it didn't sit right with me. And then I watched this mother and her family spiral into major problems where loved ones were hurt, actions were regretted, and permanent damage was done. Alcohol, drugs, unwanted pregnancies, and death hit this family. I don't think all of these devastating events happened because this mother lived every day as if it were her last, but the choices she made in her life definitely did not put her on the right path.
If we lived every day as if it were our last we might use up our entire savings before "Judgement Day" or call in sick to work or allow our children to play hookie.
I don't live everyday as if it is my last; however, the fear of losing my children tempts me to give in to their every demand. The frightening things going on in the world make me want to take my girls on "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland and never get off. I could die unexpectedly and regret in heaven that I should have cuddled my loved ones more and stressed out less. (I honestly don't believe a soul has regrets in heaven, but you never know.)
So I try to keep a firm grip on reality, on my mind. I don't give in to my fears and I don't live each day as if it is my last.
I discipline.
I write when I should be playing.
I sleep when I should be writing.
And I leave the laundry and dirty dishes until tomorrow.
(If I do die I am sure to be remembered as that mom with 'a really messy house')
I've never played out in my head the scenario "What would I do today if I knew I was going to die tomorrow?" but I have thought about what my death might mean for my husband and children. Have I created something that would remind them of how much I love them?
It is very sad that some people do know it is their last day. Those who have suffered from diseases, infections, illnesses for so long may suffer the fear and knowledge that they may not survive one more day. I pray they don't have regrets. That they don't feel the burden of "what if" or "why didn't I," but mostly I pray they love the life they have lived.
My grandma once told me, shortly after my grandfather passed away, "Kim, Van (my grandfather) told me I could go first. But he's gone. He left me here alone without him." And my grandma lived for two more years and near the end she was ready to go to heaven to be with her husband and her brother and her parents. She had been waiting for her last day.
My grandma and papa inspire me to live each day to the fullest but not as if it is my last. My children and my husband make me want to live until tomorrow and the next. They make me want to live the day, each day, appreciating the moments, but not living as if these moments won't happen again tomorrow.
How do you live each day? As if it is your last or knowing tomorrow will come?
4 comments:
I can't think of the question what if something bad because then I get stuck on that and can't move forward. I like what your grandmother taught you about living each day to its fullest but not thinking it will be the last.
Absolutely live each day the right way, follow the Golden Rule as best you can and it will be a good day.
Your Grandmother is right, live each day to the fullest, not as if it's your last day. Oh, and always tell your girls and your husband you love them sometime during the day, make that a hard and fast rule. :)
Yes, my grandma was wonderful, like a second mom to me :) Lou, we all say "I love you" so many times through out the day, which I am thankful for. I remember the last three years of my grandfather's life, not only did he say "I love you" to me when we said good-bye, but he would pause and really look at me in the eyes for a full minute and say "You know that Babe, right?" and then he'd give me a big hug. It was sad, because we both knew the reason was we didn't know how much longer he would be alive. But it also made me grateful that we did have that moment to tell each other how much we loved one another, that we didn't regret not telling one another.
I'm so with you! As a matter of fact, my motto is: everything will work out. That applies to the laundry, the dishes, the dusting. I'm pretty sure if I leave them long enough, someone or something will take care of it.
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