Thursdays, My Least Favorite Day

It is Thursday and I have been battling a sense of dread for this day since last evening. It is the same every week. I get my girls to bed. And then I start to get sad thinking about tomorrow.

I have to stick to my rational side to convince myself Thursdays are okay, just another day. You see, Thursdays are the days when I can drop off both of my girls at a Mom's Morning Out. From 9a.m. to 1p.m. my girls get to play with other children, eat lunch and play at the playground. Recently my youngest, who is turning two in a few days, has started to be all smiles when I leave and no longer sheds a tear. This accomplishment does make my Thursdays a bit easier than before, but Thursdays are still rough on me.

The truth is I miss my girls so incredibly much when they are at the Mom's Morning Out. They are all I think about. If I go home to take our puppy for an extra long walk or if I go to a cafe to write for a few hours, my mind and my heart are heavy with thoughts of my two girls. I try to convince myself some days that they don't need to go, that I don't need the break. Other weeks when one of my girls is too sick to go, I'm secretly relieved that I get to keep them with me all morning.

It's just one morning a week. I know I should get a grip and rejoice in the freedom. They are in good hands and having fun. And I do get a lot of writing done each Thursday when they go to the Mom's Morning Out. Still my heart aches with missing them.

How do I get this to stop? Will it subside by the time they both attend school all day long? Or will the ache get worse?

My oldest daughter goes to preschool Monday, Wednesday, and Friday just for a few hours each day. I miss her a lot when she is at school, but for some reason when both of them are at the school on Thursdays I miss them even more. Is this what it will be like several years down the road when they leave home?

I'd love to hear how other moms learn to live with this feeling of missing their children when they are all at school or somewhere else. Each Thursday morning I have to keep reminding myself over and over that they have fun and it's good for all three of us just so I can get us out the door and drop them off at the Mom's Morning Out. Some days I pick them up well before 1p.m., because I can't tolerate how much I miss them. Is this normal? I just love my girls so much and I have so much fun with them, it's hard to be apart.

Before my husband deployed he read a few childrens books about deployment to my girls. I reread one, The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst and I realized that this is how I feel. There is an invisible string of love running from me to each of my girls (and one to my hubby). I guess that sense of profound attachment is why it is so hard on me when my daughters are far away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder? In my case, my heart is already overflowing with love, distance just makes it ache a lot more.

I'm determined, however, that tomorrow they will go to Mom's Day Out again. I am excited about the short stories and the YA novel I've been working on. Our puppy needs a good long walk. Maybe I'll even pick up a smoothie for lunch. And hopefully I won't rush over to pick my girls up (too early) even though I'll have to keep convincing myself not to go to soon throughout the entire time they are there.

I don't think I'll reread this post. I probably sound a bit pathetic. But this is who I am, a mom trying to find herself again but getting lost in the muddle of love and children.

P.S. at 7:17a.m. Well, my youngest daughter threw up a little bit ago :( Poor thing. After writing the post above I was actually feeling pretty good and excited to take them to Mom's Morning Out. But now it looks like my morning will be a different adventure, one with my girls. Thank goodness Mom's Morning Out happens every Thursday, so my fingers are crossed for next week.