Singlular Moments

About a year ago I met a mom of four at a playground. With my baby snug in my sling I watched my toddler run around with three of her children while she held the fourth one in her arms. Her children were beautiful, laughing with the sun shining on their hair, and all of them were under the age of six.

I mentioned to this mom that I was traveling from D.C. to MN to visit my family, and that the car trip was challenging as my husband wasn't able to come with us due to his orders with the Navy. She smiled and said how grateful she was for his service and how much she admired me for going at it alone. Her next comment has stayed with me all this time.

She said, "I know what it's like. I recently became a single mom."

I can't be sure what my face showed, probably a mixture of surprise, pity, sadness, curiosity, and sympathy. My mind immediately wondered "Did her husband pass away or did they get a divorce?" But I put this aside and said "It looks like you're doing an amazing job. Your children are so happy. And look, they're playing so well with my daughter."

We spent the rest of our time together on that playground talking about our children. I drove away that day thinking about this mom. How does she do it?

I often get that question now when someone I am talking with learns my husband is deployed. And every time I am asked this question I think of that mom from the playground. My days are sometimes long, the nights even longer. I miss my husband profoundly, and our daughters miss him, too. The house is empty without his laughter, his voice ringing throughout it. But we get by. Our income is the same. Our health is the same. My time with my daughters is the same. My heartache doesn't touch the depths of a death or a divorce. I know my husband will return home in so many months.

I can only imagine what single moms must feel and experience, because it isn't the same for me. It humbles me in many ways, making me acknowledge that a deployment is not that difficult, its temporary. My heart goes to these moms, they are true Super Moms.

Since becoming a mom almost four years ago, I fully comprehend now the meaning of being single in the sense that I never feel single anymore. I always feel like I have two amazing beings holding my heart in their hands. They are an extension of me as much as I am an extension of them. I treasure being alone, but I never feel like I am a single entity. I do understand the amazing awe of singular moments: an extra squeeze from a hugger, my two girls kissing each other, my older daughter giggling at our puppy, a tear sliding down a cheek, a cuddle in the morning, the sound of their voices...

I hope that single moms find comfort in this feeling of having extensions of ourselves in our children. I hope the mom I met at the playground is doing well, finding the strength to keep going each day. When my husband is deployed, the major shift in me is that I am "on" 24/7. I always have to be ready at a moments notice for any problem that might arise. I imagine it isn't any different for that mom I met on the playground that day. She had only recently moved to that area from out of state and didn't have any family nearby.

If any single moms read this post, I hope I don't offend any of you. I am writing this as a dedication to you, because I truly believe you are the most remarkable women raising children.