Interview with Writer-Mama Judy Miller

There are five people I've met in my life who radiate something extra-ordinary, something truly remarkable about the human spirit: a boy named Esteban in Costa Rica, a young woman named Arwa in Virginia, a boy named Mikal in Japan, a girl named Katelyn in Memphis, and my husband, Dave.

From the second I met each of these people I knew, I sensed it, and I wasn't alone. Others commented on the same unusual special feeling they got when they were around these individuals.

Have you ever crossed paths with someone who seemed to be glowing with a special energy?

Today I am fortunate to have on my blog a sixth person who gives me such a feeling, even though I have never met her and given her a hug. Some day I hope too, but I already know she is like the people I mentioned above. She is phenomenal and since I began blogging and discovered her blog, I continually find peace and inspiration every single time I read her blog and her writing. There is something truly special about this woman.

So thank you Judy Miller for being so extraordinary and for showing us all what it means to be a true guiding light in this world that sometimes seems to weigh us all down!

Judy creates ripples where ever she goes, and trust me, she goes to a lot of places! I hope you'll enjoy this interview with Judy and her bio below. Please stop over to her blog if you haven't already become a reader of The International Mom's Blog!

Here is just a small sample of Judy's voice:

 Between Us

Every time I look at the moon and stars, in the deep quiet of the night, I send prayers and thoughts your way, believing you can feel my intentions and that they will find you healthy and happy. At peace.

She is our blessing. She is my heart and your soul. Born of you, adopted by me. Our daughter.

And to top off today's wonderful interview with Judy, every person who leaves a comment will be entered into the pool to win a free copy of Judy's book, What to Expect From Your Adopted Tween! By Sunday evening I will choose one person who leaves a comment at random using a random number generator, and he or she will receive a free copy of Judy's book. Just be sure to check back to see if you've won so I can get your email address!

The Passion

In the past two years you have had several major accomplishments: you've published an e-book (What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween), you are a presenter at conferences and symposiums, you're a column writer for Grown in My Heart, you're TheAdoption Pro for Parenting Squad's ProSquad, you've published essays and articles, you've continued your blog (The International Mom's Blog), and you've been raising four children! Whew! Judy, you are an inspiration to us all! What is the driving force behind all of these accomplishments? Years ago did you see yourself becoming a key voice in the world of parenting and adoption?

Judy: The driving force? College tuition. Actually, that’s not quite all of it; my kiddos inspire me to stretch myself as a woman and human being. I never imagined that my experiences with adoption (international and transracial) and parenting kids who were adopted would impact others. What I came to discover was that expanding our family through adoption required we become advocates—for our family, other families like ours, and for adoption…or be mowed over by the misinformation out there, i.e. ‘second best,” “damaged goods,” etc. I am passionate about my children and parenting them well, so naturally I discovered my voice, honing it through writing and it grew from there—into teaching, speaking at conferences, and into what I hope is the first of many e-guides. My parenting journey is one I love to share with others.

The Publication

WOW! Women On Writing recently published Issue 46, The E-Publishing Revolution, where they discuss the issues, challenges, and successes of digital publication. As you created your e-book, What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween, where did you go to find guidance for publishing your book digitally? What has been the biggest success and the biggest challenge from publishing your book online?

Judy: To learn how to create and micro-publish I took an amazing class from writing teacher and platform guru, Christina Katz: Micro-Publishing For Mom Writers. The biggest success that resulted from publishing my guide, What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween, was complete control over the final product, marketing and sales. The biggest challenge I experienced was learning the formatting and marketing the guide ongoing to my niche audience—adoptive parents.

The Personal

My readers range from mothers of adopted and biological children to writers and artists. As both a mother and a writer, how do you manage it all? You give so much of yourself to your family and the adoption community. What do you do to give yourself some 'me' time as well?

Judy: I try to balance and maintain spiritual, physical, and emotional health (not too easy some days…). As I tell the many parents I work with, “me” and “us” (couple) time is essential. Having happy, loving, connected parents is one of the greatest greats parents can give their child. Parenting four kids, although infinitely rewarding, can be exhausting. To replenish I try to find some quiet time each day, just for me. Quiet time is often one to two hours before my kids get up for the day or after they’ve gone to bed. If that doesn’t pan out, I try to get a walk in or go for a bike ride while they’re at school. I’m a big believer in the kitchen timer, to help me break larger projects into chunks, multi-tasking—doing laundry while I write, for example. After twenty years of marriage I still date my husband. Yep.

The People

Every day I come across an article or a story that spins a different angle on adoption: the let-down from an adoption that does not work out, a parent who regrets adopting a child, a non-adopter who sees adoption as a failed system, an outsider who can't understand how a multi-racial, mult-ethnic family can function, an adopted child who struggles with the question if he should find his biological parents. And then I read your blog and blogs of other parents who have adopted and I am uplifted and inspired! I am a mother of two, soon to be three, daughters, all of whom I've given birth to. My husband and I would both love to adopt a child one day, but I think we might find our family of five to be the right number for us. But I want to still offer myself to the adoption community. When I read your blog and the articles or stories that spin different angles on adoption, I feel a strong desire to help. There are so many views and opinions about adoption, and because I have no experience in it I feel like I shouldn't step in and help. But I want to. What advice can you give to individuals like me, who believe so strongly in adoption but don't have any experience with it, but want to help some way?

Judy: I’m not sure what you mean by “help,” but what I would share is that grace and compassion are appreciated. Offer support and withhold judgment. Be thoughtful with your questions and comments to parents who have adopted and children who have been adopted. Teach your children that people adopt because they wanted to be parents and love their children as much as you love the children you gave birth to. Also share that families come in different “packages.” Families created through or added to via adoption are “real.” They view themselves as similar to other families and want to be accepted as such. I do offer a lot of perspective and offer questions for reflection on my website, http://JudyMMiller.com, where I feel people gain a great deal of insight about adoption and parenting children who have been adopted.

Thank you Judy for giving us such an in-depth, honest insight into your life and the journey you've been on! This interview is sure to touch many hearts today!

Please be sure to leave a comment on today's post for a chance to win a free copy of Judy's book!

Judy M. Miller is an adoptive parent and adoption advocate living in the Midwest with her husband and four children. She coordinates and teaches parent preparation education to parents who are in the adoption process: parenting and adoption, adopted children, preparation and adjustment, and transracial parenting, as well as Parenting Your Adopted Child: Tweens, Teens & Beyond. Judy also works as a support specialist, assisting parents and their children with information and techniques to equip and empower them during challenging times. 

Judy presented on "Finding Our Stories Online" at Stories of the Heart in Austin, TX and has appeared on MomTV’s Adoption Angles and TogiNet’s Adoption ~ Journey to Motherhood.  Judy spoke at the Parenting Summit in March 2011. She will present at the Symposium 2011 Opening Adoption: Realities, Possibilities, and Challenges in Richmond, VA and the Crossroads of America Adoption Conference in Indianapolis, IN this September.  

Judy is the Adoption Pro for Parenting Squad’s ProSquad and a columnist for the adoption network, Grown in My Heart. Her essays and articles appear in adoption and parenting magazines and her stories are featured in A Cup of Comfort for Adoptive Families (Adams Media), Pieces of Me: Who Do I Want to Be? (EMK Press), Chicken Soup for the Soul: Thanks Mom (Chicken Soup for the Soul), Sensational Journeys (Future Horizons), and Women Writing on Family (The Key Publishing House Inc., January 2012). She is the author of What to Expect From Your Adopted Tween.