Before we even left the hospital with our second child I turned to my husband and told him "I hope we can have one more." We've always wanted to adopt, but I'd also be happy to be pregnant one more time.
I'd still love to have a third child and so would my husband, but we've talked and talked and talked about it and it seems like our family of four is the right number for us for many reasons. I feel very fortunate to have two healthy children, who I can give all the love I have for them and more. If it was possible I think I'd want not just one more but several more children. I love being a mom. I love witnessing the miracle of life blossom and grow every day in an infinite number of moments.
Women have a certain window of time when having children is optimal. Making the decision to not have any more children is like closing the chapter of this window early. The day before I went in to deliver my daughter via c-section, the doctor asked me if I wanted my tubes tied. I literally choked when she said this in surprise because it was the farthest thing from my mind. The word "no" stumbled out of my mouth, but it was like a blaring flash of light against eyes resting comfortably in the dark. Was my time of fertility, pregnancy, feeling a baby kick inside me, birth, and nursing all coming to an end? So suddenly?
Making the decision whether or not to have more children is a difficult one, one my husband and I are still discussing although we're leaning more towards being a family of four. Accepting that my body probably won't experience pregnancy and birth one more time is also a difficult thing to do.
When it comes to reaching an end with anything in life (writing, reading, achieving a goal, moving, graduating, etc) I think the best thing to do is to keep moving forward. The bittersweet sadness involved with an ending may linger forever in the heart, but focusing on the beauty and greatness of what one has and has achieved and the magic of what's to come is the most important way to keep the joy of living in the heart.
4 comments:
I struggle with the same feelings, but I lean toward leaving it partially out of my hands. This might be crazy. :)
Some people know immediately when their family is complete, some don't. I have three daughters and thought for awhile about a fourth. I thought it would be neat for my kids to have three siblings to grow up and old with. But God knew what He was doing by not giving me another. :) I'm sure people with older children than yours have told you that children require SO much attention! Physically and mentally - It's a joy to have excitd voices coming at you from every direction, but it is also exhausting. :) There will come a time when you will definitely know that you'r done. Blessings.
Thank you Loren and Anita for sharing with me your experience with this. I think about it every day and feel it so much in my heart. Your words are a comfort and have given me a good perspective on this decision.
You're welcome...keep us informed. :)
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