Writing in Self-Reliance

I recently fell in love with a journal: Brain, Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers. Two essays published in the Summer 2009 issue of Brain, Child deal with the concept of taking care of ourselves, our bodies and our minds, which led me to question two things: How self-reliant are we? Are we teaching our children to be self-reliant? (For another post on self-reliance click here.)

In my YA novel that I am writing I often stop and ask myself, "Are the actions of my main character true to those of mainstream teens? Are teens really capable of taking charge in a situation and relying upon their own guidance to see them through?"

As a mother recovering from a c-section and a pregnancy that was a bit harder on my body than the first, I have been told by many family members, friends, and medical staff to take care of my body first. Andrea McDowell, authoer of Sugar Mama in Brain, Child describes how the responsibilities of being a single mother come first over taking care of her body, causing her to neglect regulating her blood sugar level despite having diabetes. As writer-mamas are we setting an example for our children on how to be self-reliant if we neglect our own bodies? I often cringe from pain when I pick up my daughter, but the pain I feel in the area of my c-section does not equate to the pain I see in her eyes when she wants to be in my arms.

A second author, Bridget Kevane of Guilty as Charged, in Brain, Child writes about teaching her children to be self-reliant by giving them the responsibility of taking care of her younger children. Although my toddler is obviously too young to take care of my newborn, I wonder if I give her enough responsibility or opportunities to discover self-reliance. At our weekly Gymboree class, the instructor often reminds us parents to give our children the space and time to figure things out on their own.

These two articles in Brain, Child led me to question my actions as a writer-mama for my children, but also the actions I take in my writing. In my YA novel, the main character experiences displacement in his culture and among his peers. He is alone in his search for acceptance. A teenager given space and time alone may stumble along in self-discovery, but their minds are ripe with creativity and emotions so I find their reliance upon their own minds and souls can help them achieve goals that might seem impossible, or at least very challenging.

If we begin learning about self-reliance from childhood on, how does this quality change or develop for us as we get older? Even as an adult I am still discovering and developing my self-reliance, but one aspect of self-reliance I have learned very well: "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself" (in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson).