Long, long ago Hansel and Gretel discovered the delectable gingerbread house (and all its hidden dangers) only after their breadcrumbs were devoured by birds and they became lost.Have you left a trail of breadcrumbs to your past? How many times have they disappeared only to lead you to sweetness fraught with challenges? And you ask yourself, "Haven't I been here before?"
I've definitely made errors in my life. Errors that not only impacted me, but others as well. Choices can lead us down many different paths, and it is only looking back when we realize what choice would have been the best one to make. Sometimes I've forgotten about those breadcrumbs linking me to a past experience and I become lost, only to relive a similar moment that at first seems wonderful but quickly reminds me I've been here before and wasn't happy then nor now.
As a writer-mama I wish I could share my breadcrumbs with my daughter so that she might be given some hindsight before running into dangers and challenges. I want to protect her. I want her to be happy. I want her to be safe. Yet, somehow I need to find it in me to let her go, so she can make her own choices and decide how to handle the outcome.
Writing is one way I can share my experiences of my past indirectly with my daughter and others. Writers use their past history to generate ideas, characters, settings, and plots. Whether I choose to write about my past directly or modify it to incorporate past histories of other people I know, the story provides one trail of breadcrumbs for my daughter to think about on her own.
As a writer, I want the reader to come up with their own impression, their own opinion, their own decision about what choice they would have made if they were in the story. I need to hold back from putting my stamp on the story. I don't want to write "this is what I did, don't do it this way, but do it this way, and you'll have a better outcome."
As a mother, I also want to be able to give my daughter the space and time to make discoveries on her own, but letting go of her hand is much harder than letting go of my writing. Writing has a certain freedom in it that I don't have in parenting. Yet being a writer and a mother work together to help me become better at both.
4 comments:
I understand what you're saying. I like to write stories (purely fiction though) and leave something out, some little piece that makes the reader say, what would have happened if they had read that letter? Or hadn't gotten lost? Would the outcome have been different?
Sometimes I don't even know other times I do but I let it be part of the mystery. I think we all have those choices in life we'd love to do over. We can teach our kids the best we can but they have to make their own mistakes too. It's how they learn.
Keeping with the Hansel Gretel analogy - weren't they lured in my jelly beans and such? People tend to chase after the yummy thing they think they want, only to need basic bread crumbs to get back "home".
Great Post! I have three daughters and wish for so many things for them but know that they will have to make their own decisions and mistakes.
Wow, you have incredible insight and you are absolutely an amazing writer!!!
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