She's On a Roll

In 7th grade a friend of mine once confided in me that she French rolled her jeans to perfection just before choir class in hopes that the popular girls would be impressed by her jeans and accept her into their group. Within a few months, my friend had already had s.e.x. with one of the boys in the popular crowd to pursue her desire to be 'in' with certain people. Rolling forward into 8th grade, my friend then began throwing back shots of Vodka after school with the popular kids, and that really marked the dwindling end of our friendship.




When my older sister was in middle school just three years before me, students were only making out and kissing. And just a generation or two before us, middle school students were only holding hands and passing notes. Today I hear in the news that my friend's actions in 7th grade now occur among boys and girls in elementary school, so I can't even begin to imagine what is happening in the shadows of middle school.



Now how does a writer-mama relate to these children?

Before our first daughter was born, my husband and I did not want to know her gender. We anticipated the surprise. Upon her delivery, my husband took a minute before he announced proudly "It's a girl!" In that minute I imagine a thousand thoughts of worry ran through his head: some day I will have a teenage daughter, some day I will have to have 'the' talk with her, some day I may have to give her hand away in marriage, some day I will see her become a mother. We are so happy to have two daughters (and a third one on the way), and whether we had a daughter or son we both would think about their future days among peers with pressures that my friend in middle school experienced.

I have discovered teenage girls reading X-rated books. And I'm not talking about books with heated passion. No, these books go way beyond that with abusive, drug-induced, scary-in-the-details s.e.x.

These teens had only recently entered their teen years. As an adult I was in disbelief and worried about the future of our children. As a writer my mind got lost in one question:

Who writes these horrible books and why do they get published? 

At the time I found the teenage girls reading these books (in the classroom), I was a teacher. Confronting the parents did little to prevent the girls from reading more books like these, because the parents said they did not monitor what their children read.


Monitoring what our kids read is a topic for another day, but come on, a book about the details of s.e.x. bordering rape and more, how can anyone let any child read that?


Well, getting back to being a writer-mama... How do we relate to the young adolescents today in our writing and parenting when so much more serious stuff is going on among them, stuff we didn't experience or see or hear about until we were several years older?

I want to write for my daughters and children around the world.
I want what I write to inspire them to lead healthy, positive, adventurous lives.
I want my readers to close my book feeling encouraged to believe in themselves, to embrace themselves, and to have the courage to stand tall in the inundating wave of peer pressure.

But I also want to relate to my readers, to describe what they are experiencing and witnessing in their day-to-day lives, to be in touch with them and say 'hey, I understand what you're going through.' A frequent comment among my students when I taught 9th grade was, "Mrs. Zook, you get us. Maybe it's because you're so young." I don't want to stop "getting children and adolescents" as I get older. I imagine having children will always help me relate to them, but as a writer I need to reach children of all backgrounds, of all experiences so my writing can touch each person who opens my book.

I hope my friend, who rolled into 8th grade on a different path than me, is happy and healthy today.
I hope the teenage girls whom I taught have found happy and healthy relationships.
I hope I will be able to relate to my daughters, my readers no matter what direction they roll in life.

I first posted this on my blog back in 2009, but I wanted to share it with you again in hopes to learn more from my readers about how they relate to the adolescents of today.