Time Stands Still

 When life gives me an unexpected twist that spirals me into a kaleidoscope of emotions, I feel as if I am under water mouthing words and seeing images move by in slow motion. An unexpected death of a family member, a devastating discovery, a child's pain... these things make my heart stop. And then a flood of feelings spin around me.

Any time I go through a major emotional experience I can't write. I can barely talk or think. My rational side of the mind allows me to keep going, but it takes days, weeks, even months before I can write again.

I am grateful that motherhood has taught me how to be consistent and emotional even during these times. Although I can't write or wrap my head around what has happened, my daughters help me to see the joy in all the moments. Life keeps moving forward.

My sister's brother-in-law passed away in his sleep for reasons we do not know. We are in shock as to how a 30-year-old man could go just like that. It doesn't seem real. I am grateful for the tight squeeze hugs my daughters give me, their laughter at our puppy chasing its tail, even their tug-o-wars with each other over a toy. They help me to keep going.

They always have. Time stood still, no, time vanished into a black hole for me several months ago when I went through something I hoped I never would. My girls helped me to eventually see the little joys in each day and over time those little bits of happiness bloomed into bigger ones. My pen stood still for a long time as my confidence in myself plummeted. I did journal for myself, but it is only in the last couple of months that I have been able to write again.

I pray that I give my daughters the same kind of happiness and hope that they give me. They are my muses as I write my stories for them.