Pushmi-Pullyu Fickle Beast

Dr. Dolittle isn't the only one who has encountered a beast with two heads, one on either end of its body, making movement in any one positive direction impossible. The Pushmi-Pullyu beast occasionally arises during my day-to-day routine as a writer-mama.

Some times the beast boasts a writer head and a mama head, each one dueling to move forward in the opposite direction of the other. Some moments the heads belong to my daughter who shouts her name when she doesn't want my help and "MAMA" when she does. The beast also sports a heavy head that encompasses mother and wife in opposition to a head that feels much smaller called "my self."

Since becoming a mother, I often think about my former life before my daughter was born and who I was. Writing helps me center in on who I am as an individual. I absolutely love and treasure being a mother and a wife, but it's difficult to not always have the time, space, or energy to carve out a little piece for me. When life pulls me in a direction away from writing, I find myself craving my writing addiction even more.
Writing may make me happy. Writing may help me earn an income. Writing may allow me to share my stories. But the core purpose of writing for me is through the act of writing I am able to tap into my self and linger there for however long I have to write.