I've read numerous books on writing, on being a mother, on babies, on bellies, on being... Perhaps it's time I start writing about my adventure in trying to rekindle the writer within. For the last nine months, since my baby daughter was born, I've been on a quest for my writer-self (in addition to my woman-, wife-, scientist-, and explorer-self). Perhaps by sharing my stories of every stone I turn over, I'll find the secret to being a mother and a writer in the same pen stroke.
Motherhood is the most profound joy I've ever experienced in my life. But like any new mom, every day I learn a hundred new things. My goal as a "writer-mama" is to also write one hundred new words a day! Although I've managed to submit a few children's book manuscripts and several articles for magazines to publishers, my baby daughter, Ayla, claims my one true success is her song, Ayla Eyes.
In the wee night hours of holding a colicky crying one month old baby, I focused on the one movie that always comes to mind when I need a smile: "The Sound of Music." Soon I was humming and then singing...
Ayla eyes, Ayla eyes,
beautiful baby I love you.
Ayla eyes, Ayla eyes,
beautiful baby I love you.
Warm and soft and cuddley cute,
cuddley cute is Ayla.
Ayla eyes, Ayla eyes,
beautiful baby I love you.
It may not always work to soothe our baby when she's crying, but when it does it's magic. I have finally written something that has a powerful effect!
Now (rubbing hands together), how can I sprinkle some of that magic dust onto my writing for children all around the world?
When and Where??? are better questions. In the middle of the night when my daughter is curled into me in our bed?
It's pitch black in the bedroom, my tiny book light is burned out, and if I move even an inch my daughter will wake up. Hmpf... So my one arm that still has some feeling left in it (the other one is currently being cuddled by my arm-hugging daughter) reaches out to gently click open a pen and scratch a few strokes of my thoughts that in the blackness of the bedroom seem like a lightbulb of words capturing thoughts of a genius. They're so extraordinary I swear they glow bright in the dark room.
For some reason in the morning, however, those words don't appear much more than a scribble of a madwoman in need of sleep.
What? I live and breathe science, nature, rainforests, insects, plants... But now I'm a mom. Shouldn't I be writing more about moms and babies? When I sit down to type on the keyboard about my adventures in Costa Rica, my little one is sitting on my lap tapping on the space bar.
"Mommy, where do I fit in? Don't forget to mention me!"
My scientist-self and mommy-self don't seem to want to be apart, and yet I struggle to write about my experiences as a naturalist through my new eyes. Can I remember how I felt and lived before I became a mother?
Why? Because writing and reading is what I absolutely love to do. Among the five things I can't live without in my life, books make the list. They carry the script of the essence of life. Between the front and back book covers exist infinite number of worlds, ready for anyone to jump in and explore. And the best part: every reader has a different experience and visits different worlds!
Who? That's me, the all encompassing self, trying to step inside the shoes of others when I write while maintaining a sense of me in the art of my work.
So, my journey to Who begins here...
I hope you'll be back to join me on our next walk together.
Thank you for reading this blog!
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